50 Funny Quotes Every Mom Can Relate to

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The responsibility and vigilance which comes with being a mother cannot be understood by everyone.

It is a bittersweet task of bringing up a human being and making sure that he grows to become an important and contributing member of the society. During this, a number of incidents occur which are funny in nature and leave a long lasting impact. Here are some  funny quotes which mothers will relate to regarding some of the funniest incidents of bringing up a child:

  1. “If you like people who do stupid shit all the time, become a parent.” – Kell Oxford
  2. “It’d be cool if my kids could make something I actually want, like a bottle of wine, out of macaroni and glue.” – Stephanie McMaster
  3. “Ah, Babies! They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.” – Tina Fey
  4. “Dance like only your kid is watching, cook like no one will scream they hate it and sneeze like you won’t pee your pants.” – @shriekhouse
  5. “Did you know, when kids go to bed, you can hear yourself think again? I sound fabulous.” – Paige Kellerman
  6. “You go through big chunks of time where you’re just thinking, ‘This is impossible – oh, this is impossible’ and then you just keep going and keep going, and you sort of do the impossible.” – Tina Fey
  7. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” – Phyllis Diller
  8. “Having kids makes you look stable to the people who thought you were crazy, and crazy to the people who thought you were stable.” – Kelly Oxford
  9. “You may not have candy for breakfast, now finish your pop tart.” – Laney Griner
  10. “Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” – Jenny McCarthy
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  12. “The singular sign of a parent who is doing their job is their unwillingness to let their children watch the star wars prequels.” – Heather Armstrong
  13. “You know what I want for mother’s day? I want to stop being bombarded with bullshit commercials about mother’s day.” – The Blogess
  14. “The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.” – Dorothy Parker
  15. “Sometimes being a good parent means hiding in the pantry & eating all of the fudgsicles over the course of a day so the kids don’t have to.” – Kelly Oxford
  16. “When you’re a twerking mother, balance is really important because you don’t want to go too low and blow out your butt and bust your knee.” – Amy Poehler
  17. Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.” – Rita Rudner
  18. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” – Erma Bombeck
  19. “Any mother could perform the jobs of several air traffic controllers with ease.” – Lisa Alther
  20. “Living with a teenage daughter is like living with the Taliban: a mum is not allowed to laugh, sing, dance or wear short skirts.” – Kathy Lette
  21. “My mother never had time for me. When you’re the middle child in a family of five million, you don’t get any attention.” – Woody Allen
  22. “The interesting thing about being a mother is that everyone wants pets, but no one but me cleans the kitty litter.” – Meryl Steep
  23. “My mother’s only five-foot-two, and I’ll be honest with you – she’s the only person I’m scared of.” – Kiefer Sutherland
  24. “All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That’s his.” – Oscar Wilde
  25. “My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.” – Buddy Hacket
  26. “No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement.” – Florida Scott-Maxwell
  27. “If evolution really works, how come mothers have only two hands?” – Milton Berle
  28. “I know how to do anything—I’m a mom.” – Roseanne Barr
  29. “Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.” – Ambrose Bierce
  30. “A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car for ever after.” – Peter De Vries
  31. “The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.” – Calvin Trillin
  32. “If you were to open up a baby’s head―and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should―you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.” – Dave Berry
  33. “People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.” – Leo J. Burke
  34. “You will always be your child’s favorite toy.” – Vicky Lansky
  35. “When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.” – Erma Bombeck
  36. “I had to get back to work. NBC has me under contract. The baby and I only have a verbal agreement.” – Tina Fey
  37. “Raising a kid is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.” – Ed Asner

Funny mom quote

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37. “My mom is literally a part of me. You can’t say that about many people except relatives, and organ donors.” –Carrie Latet

38.” If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there is a man on base.” – Dave Barry

  1. “The way I feel, if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, I’ve done my job.” – Roseanne Barr
  2. “I doubt if a charging elephant, or a rhino, is as determined or as hard to check as a socially ambitious mother.” – Will Rogers
  3. “Delusions are often functional. A mother’s opinions about her children’s beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam, keep her from drowning them at birth.” – Robert A. Heinlein
  4. “My early life was a series of fierce battles, from which my mother invariably emerged the victor.” – Bernard Law Montgomery
  5. “Guilt management can be just as important as time management for mothers.” – Sheryl Sandberg
  6. “I’ve been married 14 years and I have three kids. Obviously I breed well in captivity.” – Roseanne Barr
  7. “When my mom got really mad, she would say, ‘Your butt is my meat.’ 
Not a particularly attractive phrase. And I always wondered, ‘Now, what beverage goes with that?’” – Paula Poundstone
  8. “I can’t believe how much like my mother I turned out. I feel sorry for my kids.” – Melanie White
  9. There is no love sweeter than the love between a mother and child. Now I know my wife loves me, but I’m reasonably sure she doesn’t look at me the same way she looks at them. It’s kind of humbling, because at some point you realize you’re just a date that worked out.” – Dennis Miller
  10. “Mothers are the only race of people that speak in the same tongue. A mother in Manchuria could converse with a mother in Nebraska and never miss a word.” – Will Rogers
  11. Labor is not as bad as it’s cracked up to be. Sure, it hurts like hell. But then it’s over. What you should really worry about are the next eighteen years—they’re painful in a much slower way, like peeling a huge adhesive bandage off your brain, cell by cell.” – Cathy Crimmins
  12. “Motherhood is like Albania—you can’t trust the descriptions in the books, you have to go there.” – Marni Jackson

If you can relate to these funny quotes about motherhood, you are doing a great job in raising those children of yours. Here’s the ultimate quote for a mom.

Related: 100 Quotes to Motivate Your Family

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