How to Motivate Your Man without Hurting His Ego?

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As a woman, you are possessed with the unique power to inspire your man that can help him reach his fullest potentials.

Sometimes women unintentionally say a lot of things that demotivate their men. As soon as the relationship starts, the first thing a lover or a wife takes upon herself is to change her man as she can’t bear to look at his flaws and imperfections,  and wants to change him for the better. It’s the selfless love of a woman that makes her want to change her man to become a better version of him.

But alas, women in their pursuit to help their men end up emasculating them and pushing them even deeper into their shell. Hence here are a few ways to help you motivate your man without hurting his ego so you can have a more fulfilling relationship with your other half.

Men are motivated when they are needed

As much as women hate it, a man’s ego is the most sensitive and can be touched quite easily. And most of the time women’s intentions are not wrong but the technique used to motivate can sometimes go a little awry.

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According to John Gray author of  Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus:

“Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed, when a man does not feel needed in a relationship he gradually feels passive and less energized. And as he continues to feel less needed, he has less and less to give to the relationship.”

So, how can you start making your feel needed and loved?

Appreciate Him Often

Instead of changing him, appreciate his efforts. The more he feels needed or empowered in a relationship, the more your man will feel motivated. H. Jackson Brown, in his book, The Complete Life’s Little Instruction Book writes, “Don’t forget, a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.”

This is definitely true in the case of a spouse or partner. You can motivate your man best by appreciating the little things he does for you. For example, you can tell him how delicious the meal he cooked for dinner; praise him when he is supportive of the kids; say thank you whenever he loads or empties the dishwasher; or help with house chores.

Show That You Trust Him

Men love it when they see their women trust them. It boosts their confidence and does wonders for their self -esteem. A man who is not trusted for his abilities to deliver to his family will start doubting himself which will demotivate him. Even if you feel like asking your guy out, let him take the lead.

Mira Kirshenbaum, author of Love You but I Don’t Trust You: The Complete Guide to Restoring Trust in Your Relationship notes that:

“Whether broken trust is due to daily dishonesties, a monumental betrayal, or even a history of hurts from the past, it can put a relationship at risk.” 

Encourage your partner by letting him know that you trust and support his decisions. Reminding your partner that you can rely on them will strengthen the ties between you.

Show Him Respect

This is perhaps the greatest need men have but sadly it’s one area that’s mostly overlooked by women. To quote Rick Johnson, author of The Man Whisperer: Speaking Your Man’s Language to Bring out His Best:

“I think, for men, respect is even more important than love is…It’s really intrinsic to our souls. You’ll notice that young men go out and kill each other over the issue of respect and disrespect. Unfortunately, they don’t understand what real respect is.”

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What women can do to show respect to their men is, by frequently telling them how much they respect them. Talk to their spouse more sweetly and respectfully than they talk to anyone else. Give men their undivided attention and listen to them without any distractions, so that they feel you are interested in what they have to say to you.

Suggest Small Steps

Suggest small steps to help him reach his goals, rather than expect him to conquer the world by next week. For instance, help him create a list of things that are obstructing his goals, or a list of people who can help him reach those goals. Basically provide him with support and encouragement as it can sometimes be overwhelming for him to meet challenging goals. Make him realize small steps lead to bigger ones, and he has to start somewhere.

Avoid Being Pushy

The last thing you want to do is put pressure on your man when he’s already stuck and lacks motivation it will further hinder any chance of possible success. You have to be vigilant in this regard as there’s a fine line between being supportive or being pushy. Putting too much pressure on him can stress him out and push him over the edge, although your intention is for him to succeed. Try to support him subtly without sounding too pushy.

Ask for His Guidance

“Asks for your man’s advice so that he feels appreciated and validated for the little things he brings to the relationship,” Advises Bryan Davis in his article, “7 Ways To Empower Your Husband”.

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